Good morning, everyone!
We are coming to the end of our semester together. I hope you have learned a lot about writing skills this term. Some observable improvement in your writing, having read over all of your assignments, has been noted. Keep reviewing and applying the writing process and continual progress will result.
Please look at the following sentences from Module 14 and identify the errors and suggest possible corrections:
1. The first issue in Thailand is Drug Addiction that the biggest one in Thailand because of a curious person which game addicted and occur with a teenager between 12-22 years old or who just want a lot of money without hard working which the most of them are known that it is the illegal trade.
2. Environmental issue has to look aside of social issue.
3. Overweight and obesity people are highly risking of many health problems.
4. The low education a lack of opportunity and unemployment will bring about poverty which is leading to a low quality of life and unequal income distribution.
5. Parents who are not live together with them will lead children to behave in an agerassive ways.Gobless and no interectinon in the family are as result of emotional disorder of the children.o
6. As a result of the problem is A lot of people and a lot of car but less road.
Next week, I will post my suggested edits and comments.
Module 14 grades should be uploaded by the end of next week.
Module 14 Common Errors
Re: Module 14 Common Errors
Dear Ajarn Alan,
Thank you for the writing exercises.
I tried my best to correct those sentences. Please see my suggestion below.
1. The biggest social issue in Thailand is drug addiction that is caused by curiosity and games addiction. Adolescents between the ages of 12 and 22 and lazy people who need huge amount of money for paying for items in online games and buying drugs are likely to be drug dealers, even though they know that it is an illegal trade.
2. Apart from social issues, environmental problems also need to be addressed.
3. Being overweight and obesity increase the risk of many health problems.
4. Low education, a lack of job opportunity and unemployment bring about poverty that leads to poor quality of life and unequal income distribution.
5. Children who do not live together with their parents tend to behave aggressively. Unemployment and dysfunctional family relationships can be caused by children with emotional disorders.
6. As a result, there are many people driving cars but not enough roads to support them.
Have a nice weekend
Thank you for the writing exercises.
I tried my best to correct those sentences. Please see my suggestion below.
1. The biggest social issue in Thailand is drug addiction that is caused by curiosity and games addiction. Adolescents between the ages of 12 and 22 and lazy people who need huge amount of money for paying for items in online games and buying drugs are likely to be drug dealers, even though they know that it is an illegal trade.
2. Apart from social issues, environmental problems also need to be addressed.
3. Being overweight and obesity increase the risk of many health problems.
4. Low education, a lack of job opportunity and unemployment bring about poverty that leads to poor quality of life and unequal income distribution.
5. Children who do not live together with their parents tend to behave aggressively. Unemployment and dysfunctional family relationships can be caused by children with emotional disorders.
6. As a result, there are many people driving cars but not enough roads to support them.
Have a nice weekend
Re: Module 14 Common Errors
Students:
Please review my comments and suggestions concerning some common errors found in this assignment.
1. The first issue in Thailand is Drug Addiction that the biggest one in Thailand because of a curious person which game addicted and occur with a teenager between 12-22 years old or who just want a lot of money without hard working which the most of them are known that it is the illegal trade.
CORRECTIONS: Drug addiction is one of the biggest issues in Thailand. Curious people with nothing better to do, especially teenagers between the ages of 12 and 22, want a lot of money without working hard and get into drugs, which most of them know is an illegal trade.
I don't see the connection between game addiction and drug addiction. These are very different issues.
Be careful with common vs. proper nouns: Does drug addiction need to be capitalized within a sentence?
Write simply and concisely. The fewer the words, the better. Purple prose (long sentences) with choppy clauses/phrases are not the best types of sentences. Remove the idea--incorrectly taught in ESL classes--that longer sentences are better and more academic. That is incorrect.
2. Environmental issue has to look aside of social issue.
CORRECTION: This sentence is very unclear. I assume the sentence means that environment problems are not social issues only but also address problems that negatively influence our natural world. In that case, you can write a sentence like "The environmental issues in Thailand are not only social but natural as well. We all want clean air to breathe, fresh water to drink, ..." Also, make sure you write a correct sentence, keeping independent and dependent clauses in mind.
3. Overweight and obesity people are highly risking of many health problems.
CORRECTION: Overweight and obese people are at a high risk of (having) many health problems.
Overweight (fat) and obese (very fat) are related, so you could just use one adjective. Also, parts of speech are important for appropriate sentence structure; obesity is a noun (Obesity is a huge problem for people who eat fast food every day.) Obese is an adjective to describe a noun. Because you're talking about people, you use the adjective (obese people; ask what kind of people? obese people).
4. The low education a lack of opportunity and unemployment will bring about poverty which is leading to a low quality of life and unequal income distribution.
CORRECTION: Low education standards, lack of opportunity, and unemployment bring about poverty, which leads to a low quality of life and unequal income distribution.
This is a very coherent sentence that just needs a little polishing: low education what? low education standards OR low levels of education.
Cut out some of the unnecessary filler words: is leading, about, etc.
5. Parents who are not live together with them will lead children to behave in an agerassive ways.Gobless and no interectinon in the family are as result of emotional disorder of the children.o
CORRECTION: It is the students' responsibility to edit the assignment for obvious typos. You can easily run a grammar and spelling check on your writing before submission.
The sentence should read something like this: "Parents who are not together will lead their children to behave in aggressive ways. Joblessness and lack of interaction between parent and child may result in the children developing emotional disorders."
6. As a result of the problem is A lot of people and a lot of car but less road.
[/b]
CORRECTION: The problem results in a lot of cars on the road but less road space and more traffic.
Is this what the writer is trying to say? Again, be clear and concise. People are driving the cars, so you only need to focus on the cars because your point is about traffic jams.
I saw a lot of great effort in this course! Keep working hard at improving your writing skills. If you work hard, you will succeed.
As always, feel free to ask questions if you don't understand something or if a point needs clarification.
Good luck on your final exam!
Please review my comments and suggestions concerning some common errors found in this assignment.
1. The first issue in Thailand is Drug Addiction that the biggest one in Thailand because of a curious person which game addicted and occur with a teenager between 12-22 years old or who just want a lot of money without hard working which the most of them are known that it is the illegal trade.
CORRECTIONS: Drug addiction is one of the biggest issues in Thailand. Curious people with nothing better to do, especially teenagers between the ages of 12 and 22, want a lot of money without working hard and get into drugs, which most of them know is an illegal trade.
I don't see the connection between game addiction and drug addiction. These are very different issues.
Be careful with common vs. proper nouns: Does drug addiction need to be capitalized within a sentence?
Write simply and concisely. The fewer the words, the better. Purple prose (long sentences) with choppy clauses/phrases are not the best types of sentences. Remove the idea--incorrectly taught in ESL classes--that longer sentences are better and more academic. That is incorrect.
2. Environmental issue has to look aside of social issue.
CORRECTION: This sentence is very unclear. I assume the sentence means that environment problems are not social issues only but also address problems that negatively influence our natural world. In that case, you can write a sentence like "The environmental issues in Thailand are not only social but natural as well. We all want clean air to breathe, fresh water to drink, ..." Also, make sure you write a correct sentence, keeping independent and dependent clauses in mind.
3. Overweight and obesity people are highly risking of many health problems.
CORRECTION: Overweight and obese people are at a high risk of (having) many health problems.
Overweight (fat) and obese (very fat) are related, so you could just use one adjective. Also, parts of speech are important for appropriate sentence structure; obesity is a noun (Obesity is a huge problem for people who eat fast food every day.) Obese is an adjective to describe a noun. Because you're talking about people, you use the adjective (obese people; ask what kind of people? obese people).
4. The low education a lack of opportunity and unemployment will bring about poverty which is leading to a low quality of life and unequal income distribution.
CORRECTION: Low education standards, lack of opportunity, and unemployment bring about poverty, which leads to a low quality of life and unequal income distribution.
This is a very coherent sentence that just needs a little polishing: low education what? low education standards OR low levels of education.
Cut out some of the unnecessary filler words: is leading, about, etc.
5. Parents who are not live together with them will lead children to behave in an agerassive ways.Gobless and no interectinon in the family are as result of emotional disorder of the children.o
CORRECTION: It is the students' responsibility to edit the assignment for obvious typos. You can easily run a grammar and spelling check on your writing before submission.
The sentence should read something like this: "Parents who are not together will lead their children to behave in aggressive ways. Joblessness and lack of interaction between parent and child may result in the children developing emotional disorders."
6. As a result of the problem is A lot of people and a lot of car but less road.
[/b]
CORRECTION: The problem results in a lot of cars on the road but less road space and more traffic.
Is this what the writer is trying to say? Again, be clear and concise. People are driving the cars, so you only need to focus on the cars because your point is about traffic jams.
I saw a lot of great effort in this course! Keep working hard at improving your writing skills. If you work hard, you will succeed.
As always, feel free to ask questions if you don't understand something or if a point needs clarification.
Good luck on your final exam!
Last edited by AjAlan on Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:40 am, edited 3 times in total.
Re: Module 14 Common Errors
Please bear with me as the format of my original text has been copied and pasted here. After I copied and pasted the text, some of the formatting and spelling was incorrect. I am fixing it all now.
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